Summer is here, and with it comes the perfect time to indulge in some tropical cocktails. If you’re in the mood for something that will transport you to a paradise island, look no further than The Painkiller cocktail. This drink combines rum, pineapple juice, orange juice, coconut cream, and a little bit of nutmeg. It’s the perfect beverage to sip while you relax, whether by the pool, on a beach, or wherever you like to unwind.
But as we sip our Painkiller, let’s also take a deep dive into something just as nostalgic for summer—Yacht Rock. It’s the smooth, laid-back music that’s become the soundtrack to many summer parties. However, some of those Yacht Rock songs are downright cringy, even if we still love them. Let’s take a look at the Top 10 Cringiest Yacht Rock Songs, the ones that may leave you rolling your eyes but still nodding your head to the beat.
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“Escape (The Piña Colada Song)” by Rupert Holmes
Why It’s cringe: We discussed this last year. They’re both fed up with each other – and they place personal ads so they can cheat! It only works out – or does it? – because they find out they answered each other’s personal ad. Although, I’m still not convinced her “Oh, it’s you…” is as sincere as Rupert makes it out to be.
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“Into The Night” by Benny Mardones
Why It’s cringe: One lyric “She’s just 16 years old, leave her alone, they say…” Yes, Benny, because when this song came out you were freakin’ 34 years old! What is your problem. Please, yes, leave the 16 year old alone. There’s laws against that, man!
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“Afternoon Delight” by Starland Vocal Band
Why It’s cringe: the comedy aside of watching Michael Bluth and his niece Maeby, or the Channel 4 News Team in Anchorman harmonize on this song in total obliviousness to what it’s actually saing, let’s face it – this is a song that’s about having a nooner. If that’s not the late-70’s in a nutshell, I don’t know what is.
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“You Can’t Change That” by Raydio
Why It’s cringe: This song starts out so sweet – a man telling his girlfriend/wife that no matter what she does, he’ll still love her anyway…. and the it veers off into stalker territory. In the second verse, there’s these lines “Youc an change your telephone number, you can change your address, too, but it won’t stop me from loving you…” Nowadays, I guess they’d also sing about beign blocked on social media, maybe having a restraining order taken out on them. Now, “Every Breath You Take”, by the Police was a quintessential prom song in the 80’s, but at least you know that was a stalker song from the get go – if you paid attention. This one just sneaks up on you.
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“Brandy” by Looking Glass
Why It’s cringe: Is it because it celebrates Brandy’s unrequited love for her sailor guy? No, it’s because at the end of a long shift at a bar that serves sailors at a port on a western bay… she walks home. After the bars close down… at 2 or 3 AM… in an area of town that I’m going to go out ona limb and say si probably pretty rough.
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“Key Largo” by Bertie Higgins
Why It’s cringe: This one is just a pet peeve of mine. Key Largo was a classic Bogart and Bacall film…but every quote Bertie name checks in this song? None of them are from Key Largo and none of them involve Lauren Bacall. “Here’s lookin’ at you kid”, “Play it again” ? Those are both from Casablanca, which was Bogey and Ingrid Bergman. And actually, neither of them says “Play it again.”, but, I digress….
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“Baker Street” by Gerry Rafferty
Why It’s cringe: The protagonist of the song thought the big city was going to be the fulfillment of all her dreams – and it’s not. So after a night of drinking, what’s she do? Heads to some guys house on Baker Street, who I’m guessing is a friend with occasional benefits, and leaves in the morning realizing despite all of his plans, he’s never going o change. Does have a great horn section though. Don’t find that nowadays.
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“Ride Like The Wind” by Christopher Cross
Why It’s cringe: is it? I don’t know, maybe because it’s Christopher Cross who looks like a big ‘ol teddy bear
singing about killing people (and don’t even get me started on “Give Me Some Water” by Eddie Money). But seriously, all that aside this has got to be the greatest, number 1, all time backing vocal job by Michael McDonald. This would be my go-to karaoke song if I can find someone to be my Christopher Cross, because I’m only doing the Michael McDonald parts.
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“Wildfire” by Michael Martin Murphey
Why It’s cringe: the girls dies – she dies in the first verse trying to find her horse. And apparently, she’s now haunting Michael Martin Murphey in the form of a hoot owl. And, Michael, you really need to get the story straight. Did she die in a killing frost or a blizzard, because that’s two wildy different weather things. One other thing, didn’t you check the weather? Why are you planting so late in the season that an early frost killed all your crops? Yeah, you should probably leave sod busting behind.
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“Please Come To Boston” by Dave Loggins
Why It’s cringe: what is her problem? She claims to be the “Number 1 fan of the man from Tennesee” but she won’t go anywhere with him. Sable Starr, Lori Mattix, Penny Lane and Cherry Vanilla? All famous groupies in the 80’s that went all over following Led Zeppelin, The Stones, Rod Stewart, etc, but Dave can’t get his one fan to go to Boston, Denver or LA? Okay, the Denver one I get, who wants to get trapped in the mountains when the snow flies, but that LA thing, on the beach, which fallen stars up in the hills? That sound great! But, she just said no, and wants him to come back home to Tennesee.
The Painkiller: A Perfect Pairing for Yacht Rock
As you make your way through the cringe-worthy Yacht Rock hits, why not sip on a Painkiller? The Painkiller cocktail is a perfect drink to enjoy while cruising down memory lane with these iconic tunes. It’s a tropical concoction that embodies the laid-back feel of Yacht Rock.
Ingredients:
- 2 oz dark rum
- 4 oz pineapple juice
- 1 oz orange juice
- 1 oz coconut cream
- Freshly grated nutmeg for garnish
Instructions:
- Add rum, pineapple juice, orange juice, and coconut cream to a shaker with ice.
- Shake well and strain into a glass filled with ice.
- Garnish with freshly grated nutmeg.
Yacht Rock may have its cringe-worthy moments, but that’s part of its charm. Just like the Painkiller cocktail, these songs have a smooth, tropical vibe that continues to resonate with fans. Whether you love the songs or laugh at their absurdity, there’s no denying that they are a part of our pop culture.
So, next time you mix up a Painkiller, throw on a Yacht Rock playlist and enjoy the smooth vibes—cringe and all. Cheers!
